Brace yourselves.

Brace yourselves Julle Blixems, the Thompson's have been granted residence, Now I wont publicly admit that this is probably due to the fact that C handled the applications and not me, because let’s be honest my ability to hold a conversation in a pub after consuming a Guinness or five is very well documented, but would not have been very helpful here, we would've been denied residence to this fair place and deported faster than JZ emptied the treasury if I had even glanced in the direction of those applications.

The problem you see is that I have an uncanny ability to confuse these poor Irish kêrels to within an inch of their lives when I use my very South African slang words. They get the same look on their faces Mr Bean did when he snorted the lemon juice, and then attempt to lean in closer thinking there might be a chance they would understand what I’d just said better, the second time round, all that does is scare the Bejaysis out of me as you can well imagine and cause C to spit whatever was in her mouth at the time all over our table, this is all extremely funny to us, but just makes the people around us think we are Broken.

One of the most wonderful things about being a Saffa is the language we use almost every day, words like Boet, Blerrie, jislaaik and the aforementioned Blixem are just some of the myriad names and expressions we have, and we use them generously. I mean the look I got the other day when I told my laaitie I was going to give him a klap, by the spectators at his Gaelic football match, was hilarious, although in fairness me angrily telling a child I was going to give him an STD probably wouldn't sit well in any civilized society. I should probably try and be more careful when C lets me out in public.

I have decided that it would be detrimental to my kids upbringing if they didn't at least get taught some of the more important slang words that I was brought up with so I’ll be doing some research in the coming weeks and come up with a few must know words and phrases, so if any of you have any suggestions please let me know. It’s really important to me that josh knows when I say Boet I'm not calling him a shoe but rather my buddy. and that when I ask him to bring me a dop ill actually get one and not get put in a home because he thinks I have early onset Alzheimer's , but that's what you get for having 11 official languages, and everybody trying to make it lekker easy to understand for everyone else.

I’ve mentioned the expat lunches that we have attended in previous posts and it’s at these you will hear some of these words bandied about without a care in the world, 30 odd rowdy Saffas together in a pub is always going to be a jol and they never disappoint, and let me tell you, the look of utter confusion on the barman's face when you shout down the length of the bar " ooi boet how’s a klippies and coke " is worth its weight in gold. It always brings a smile to my face. What’s been especially nice has been how nobody has lost their Africanism. All the expats we've met no matter how long they have been here still sound like Saffas and thats because as some clever person once said ‘Africa is not easily forsaken by her children.

So anyway like I said we have been granted residence which is great, its one moerse big weight off of our shoulders, it comes with many perks, one of which is visa free travel within the European Union. Our first trip will be across the Irish Sea to my best mates wedding. where I will be the best man, I know I know I can’t believe it either, it was while I was writing my speech that I realized I would have to change a lot of the words I was using because nobody in the UK would understand what i was saying, and they wouldnt be alone,  I'm already convinced my spellcheck thinks I'm a madman and those error reports it keeps wanting to send are secretly cries for help. So in the end I removed all the slang, AKA africanisms, and inserted words that are more internationally understood, in other words I had to dust of my dictionary and ask my 11 year old for help.

Soon after the wedding possibly in August over the bank holiday weekend we will take a trip up to Scotland, Back to where C comes from, or rather where her dad was born. But in the meantime I am preparing to host my mother for a few days next week and then soon after my dad,  I’ll have to be on my best behaviour, but it also means I get to see my china's and there will be some good times on the horizon, and a few more people to include into the madness that is our home and daily existence.

Ciao for now

G