ASSumptions, judgements and a slice of culture !!

 Over the last thirty years there have been many moments where I’ve been told and sometimes screamed at between gritted teeth not to judge a book by its cover. These little lessons have come in many forms, some of the earliest I remember are on the playground when my mom and dad would tell me not to judge the other kids just because they were different, different came in many forms. The rich kids, the poor kids, there were the kids of Indian decent and of course the black kids all of whom we were taught to treat the same and respect the same. As I remember, I was told a good few times. It seems I was a judgemental bloke right from my early days. (I see Candice nodding profusely in agreement at this sentiment).

A bit later on at school, when I was around the age of ten, I misjudged a new kid that came to our school in the middle of the school year. I was at a small school in a small town and my view of city kids was that they were all gangsters, wore leather jackets and had many girlfriends. I couldn't have been more wrong. This Kid and I ended up being great friends and to this day we still keep in touch.

A few years later these lessons all came in very handy when I was working at my first job as a young truck sales apprentice. I had been sitting at my desk with my feet up staring into the sky, planning my weekend, and I suppose waiting for something to happen when I noticed a middle aged man walking down the road toward my office. The alley way was long so I had a few minutes to thoroughly judge this man quite severely. He was wearing a white shirt that was dirty and full of holes. His pants were threadbare and he had old leather sandals on his feet. An old round fishing hat finished off the ensemble

Now for those that aren't familiar with any form of automotive retail, we get these people we like to call tyre kickers, these are the people that have nothing better to do with their days than to completely waste some hapless sales persons' time, they don't want to buy anything they are just bored and looking for a bit of time away from the wives. Now this man seemed to fit into that category so I automatically assumed he was going to waste my valuable daydreaming time. When I walked out to greet him those little playground lessons came to the forefront of my mind, so I made the decision to not judge him solely on what I had seen,but to give him the chance he deserved ,In the end that turned out to be a great decision. He was in fact a very wealthy local business man who owned an up an coming football side, it was for that very same football team that he ended up purchasing the bus for. Brian and I are still in touch and see each other at least once or twice a year.

Fast forward a good few years and a few thousand kilometres, and I'm sitting as the odd man out at a dinner table in England. Completely out of my depth for a good many reasons, chief amongst these, a glaringly obvious difference in my cultural background, and the fact that I have what I've only just realised (I'm just realising a lot lately) is literally the worst of all the English accents that there are.

The South African accent is without contest the the worst English accent in the world. I googled it to see if I was the only one who thought so, well, I wasn't. According to an unmentioned website
( because im a cheapskate and refuse to pay for content), the reason the South African accent wasn't, and for the foreseeable future wont, be included in any list of great accents is because its and I quote verbatim  " The most diabolical accent known to man." and " People cringe at the sound of a South African accent." But enough of that, there is enough material for me to do an entire post about that later.

After spending the better part of ten exasperating minutes trying to explain to the young Thai waitress, who can’t speak a word of English, that I have a rather large allergy to shellfish and that my food should in no way, shape or form be prepared anywhere near the stuff I eventually give up and decide that a few glasses of wine should improve my chances of survival if I somehow didn't manage to get my point across.  I carry on chatting to the young black chap next to me , and after a few minutes  get told by one of the other guys at our table that "I must feel utterly uncomfortable sat between two blacks". Now this was funny because well it was meant to be, everyone laughed, and I mean everyone. What stuck with me was the next comment made by the other chap I was sitting next to. He said, and I quote “I’m surprised that comment didn't come from the South African!!" Now, I find it completely ridiculous that you could accuse someone of being a racist, by being racist initially. The fact that I'm a white South African does not make me a racist. You assuming and then judging me as a racist just because I am a white

South African makes, you, a racist!

Now Candice suffered, and I use that word very lightly, because it's more of an annoyance than hurtful, a similar incident. She was at a Sainsbury’s, again in England, in the checkout line when a woman asked her if she was South African, I assume she had heard her greeting the cashier when Candice said yes she in fact was, the old wrinkly bird responded with

“Well you're an inherently racist bunch, aren’t you?" 

Now I suppose the last fifty years of news coming from the Dark Continent has not been great.  It has to a large extent been very one sided and wildly exaggerated by whichever faction has held the majority or not. But need I remind the Brits how they and theirs suppressed and oppressed the boers, scots, Irish, Indians, and Americans, for centuries or has that been conveniently forgotten about?

As I stated above these two occurrences happened in England, fortunately the Irish are a lot less judgemental and don’t assume unnecessarily and incorrectly that you are what the news and your history has claimed you to be That’s why assumptions can be so dangerous hence the saying

Assume makes an ass out of u and me.

I think mostly the Irish understand what it’s like to be judged and persecuted for who you are and what you believe in. On Easter Sunday we took a train ride to Dublin to take part in the 1916 uprising centenary celebrations. This was the uprising that led to the abolishment of more than 100 years of British rule and religious persecution against the Catholics. A celebration that showcased the strength of their will to be governed by people of their choosing, of their culture and the joy they have in life. It was truly a wonderful experience for the whole family.

I can’t leave out the moment where after some epic subway sandwiches eaten on the Famous Connely street station concourse we boarded the train for home.  It was packed full of folks on their way home from the day’s activities so Candice and Tayla went to the only available seat about ten rows back from the standing only area we were in. About fifteen minutes and a few stops later after the crowd had thinned out, I notice the guy Candice is sitting next to shaking his head, and is quite clearly agitated. So I make my way over to see what’s wrong and I notice that the day’s exertions have clearly taken their toll on my two girls. Tayla is fast asleep in wifeys lap and she in turn is asleep, mouth wide open, with her head on the poor guys shoulder. I was almost apoplectic with laughter after waking Candice up and seeing the look on her face once id told her what she was doing. That poor chap will have a lifelong story to tell about the very dodgy South Africans he had to share a train with, one that I’m sure will be told every Easter for the next hundred years.

In closing there have been many world renowned authors’ poets and scholars that have come from Ireland one of which was William buttler Yeats and his saying

“There are no strangers here; only friends you haven't yet met"

Shows the human values of decency, generosity and trust which underpin Irish life something they are consistently defined by.

GT 
Below you will see a small selection of the photos we took that day.
We welcome all comments it can only help to improve the content,

Below: Front View of the Custom House a Neoclassical building used as a government office, designed by James Gandon and completed in 1791

Below: A View of the SIPTU tower covered in Uprising History 

Below: Irish Airforce Flyover with the planes trailing smoke coloured like the flag
 . (700 feet off the ground)

 Below: The view toward the GPO and grandstands
including the Spire

Below: View South over the heads of the crowd

Below: View ofThe Spire of Dublin, AKA  the Monument of Light located on the site of the former Nelson's Pillar on O'Connell Street 

Below: A view of the streets outside the international centre.

Below: view of  the rear side of  the Custom House a Neoclassical building used as a government office, designed by James Gandon and completed in 1791

The Prequel to the Sequel...

 

 The Prequel to the Sequel...

The inspiration for this experimental session we are loosely referring to as blog writing, has stemmed from the kind word of friends and family who have read my Facebook updates about my personal experiences and have coaxed me to put my thoughts and ideas into some form of neatly formatted media content. Now this could be because they love  me and have not an objective bone in their body or quite possibly the opposite.... hopefully the former will apply. 

 The aim is to give an uplifting, witty, yet  brutally honest account of the pros and cons of immigration, what it is like to be an outsider in a new country, the laughs, the cries, the happy moments,  the sad moments, the times where you wonder what the hell you have done to yourself and your family... and mostly lessons learned regarding my host country,  whether it be cultural lessons or history lessons and how these may compare to my African heritage.  It all plays an integral part of the assimilation process and herein lies the premise of the posts...

Below is just recap of my updates on Facebook dated between 21 January 2016 and 21 March 2016.  Any further updates will be posted in our blog spot. If you have already read these posts, I invite you to stop right here as there is nothing you have not already seen.  To those that have not... Happy reading loved ones!!

21 January  2016

 I have been in Ireland a week today. In one week I have learned the following with regards to my host country:
1. Ireland is God's Country. It is absolutely beautiful here. I think it will be hard to find a place with a more lovely and inviting country side countryside.

2. There are at least 34 shades of green that I have identified in the landscaping... never knew so many shades of the colour actually existed!  I have just recently discovered that this is why Ireland is called the Emerald Isle.. Why this was not blatantly obvious to me from word go is a mystery.

3. I can compare England to Johannesburg with regards to the speed and efficiency at which things are done. Ireland in this respect is more like Cape Town. They are far too laid back for my liking and everything happens in Irish Time which is about 10 x slower than African time. God help us!

4. Given the slowness, service is always done with a smile. You wont find friendlier people.
5. The population of Roodepoort matches the population of the entire Ireland! In the grand scheme of things, Eire is a wee little thing.

6. Rent is beyond expensive, and finding a place to rent in such a booming rental market is near impossible. I have seen several houses and they are either crap, too expensive or taken!! Give me strength.

7. Apparently local experience is not at all important in the job market. In fact, if you are foreign you have quite an edge as they admire your international exposure... Made evident by the fact that this dumb ass got employment on day one.

8. Regardless of how much money I earn, I am still entitled to my child allowance, which is a very generous amount considering our shoddy exchange rate.

9. The roads have a very South Africaneqsque feel to them. Sometimes I forget where I am and think I am back in Africa again, until I get out and get blasted by the cold air of course, this brings me back to reality at a rapid pace.

10. Childcare is f***ing expensive... holy crap... my advice is just DO NOT procreate if you want to live here..

Hold thumbs that I find a dam house before I need to start working in February!
22 January 2016

Day 8 and there were a few little Irish Lessons learned that I failed to share with you yesterday:

1. Leprechaun hunting is a real thing!! Oh yes... As are fairy caves, green beer and viscious hurling.

2. Irish people are hermuncules ( perfectly formed tiny human beings) they are miniature people. Cant believe their size!! You could mistake the President for an extra in the Lord of the Rings Trilogy.

3. People here love fake tan.... Lots of orange skins and bleach blonde heads. I'm trying to find the natural beauty among the pomp and splendour.

4. Soooooooo many flaming redheads!!! Apparently they are called Gingers ( pronounced Giengerz) and that word is as offensive as the "k" word in South Africa. Gingers... Gingers everywhere.

5. It is near impossible to divorce over here. You need to be separated for five years before you can even consider filing a divorce petition. Being a Catholic country, divorce is taboo.

6. I have not seen so many churches any where in the world. So many churches... the majority being Catholic... Hail Mary!

7. Apparently parking is a very rare commodity and people will park their cars in the strangest of places to avoid a walk in the cold. Pay and display is quite an expensive exercise unless you engage in creative motoring.

8. Sheep...... So many sheep, mostly with red rings around their arses. Yet hardly a lamb chop in sight.

I will keep up to date with the life lessons learned. Apparently I am being schooled.

26 January 2016 

So  today marks day 15 in Ireland and I do believe we are doing swimmingly well. A list of accomplishments to date include:
1. Employment secured 

2. PPS numbers for all family members 

3. Rental contract secured and moving in tomorrow.

4. Kids booked into school... to start on Monday. Eryn will be attending an all girls Catholic convent school and Josh a boy's catholic school. HAHAHAHA. In an ironic twist,  a priest called Father Noel will be baptizing all 3 kids before May when Josh and Eryn will, take their first holy communion.

5. Uniforms bought

6. Appointment set for bank accounts as you can't get one without an address in this place. Its a horrible circle of constant disappointment. 

In summary, So far so good. Still got so much to do though. Immigration is not for the faint of heart that's for sure. To end on a lighter note, a few more Irish titbits for you...

1. I have figured out why sheep have red rings on their arses. ...unfortunately it is too x- rated for this page... naughty naughty sheep

2. The grass literally is greener on the other side. Holy crap the grass is green.

3. The houses are much larger than expected. I was expecting England size and have been very surprised. Also far more modernized building structures than England.

4. Even being from Scottish decent and growing up around a thick accent did not prepare me for understanding this accent. Forget what you know about the beautiful lilt of the Corrs or the soulful sounds of Bono...this is rough and I want to cry thinking I may not be able to understand my children in a few short months. 

 5. Ravens (Black Birds) and seagulls are the black and white birds from hell. They will randomly fly at you like they're vultures attacking a deer carcus. Its both amusing and terrifying at the same time.

6. Gaelic is Strange. My poor kids who have to learn this language. On a positive note they can curse at me and I will be none the wiser.

7. The notion that Niall Horan from One Direction lives an hour from us has turned my 10 year old into a crazy stalker who is convinced we need to find him NOW.

29 January 2016
 

Day 2 in our new house and we have been well accepted as the curious foreigners. This morning Hubby -opened the blind to find a group of about 10 children staring into our window to try get a look at the African children who have moved in. It was like witnessing a group of monkeys in the zoo...except we were the main attraction.! Our next door neighbor has 4 kids of 12 10 8 and 6... My daughter is already BFF's with the girl as they giggle over who is the cutest member of One Direction. Josh and the boy played soccer furiously for ages. I did not see my kids for hours today as they played merrily with the other children in the estate. This is what the move has been about...My kids freedom and today I got to witness first hand how beautiful it actually is to see children playing freely about. Today is a good day.

14 February 2014

Today marks one month since my arrival in Ireland. I think for being here one month we have been incredibly lucky. Either it is luck or we are highly favoured. Maybe both?
Both me and hubby are gainfully employed, we got a beautiful home at a steal, our kids have settled at school and they have made friends. I have also reconnected with family I didn't at one point know if I would ever see again. It has been quite a journey so far albeit a short one. Now just a chance to adjust to a complete change in lifestyle..
 

A few more interesting things you should know..
1. Don't buy into this free education kak. Yes,  there are no school fees but the compulsory sports are not funded and you fork out a small fortune for Gaelic football...swimming (yes they have that here)..tennis...and gymnastics...its the equivalent of paying a Crawford college education with our shifty exchange rate. ffs!!  And then there is still rugby and athletics and drama clubs and school fundraisers...ALL OVER THE WORLD kids are pricey...you simply can't escape it.

2. This country takes Catholicism very very seriously! Abortion is taboo, contraception is frowned upon ( judging by the number of children these people have) and hymns are almost non existent in the community church. Have you ever heard a hymn being spoken? Its painful and its very difficult to stay awake during the service. 

3. following on from point 2, it is vital when you see a funeral procession to do the sign of the cross and proclaim may their soul rest in peace.... do not however watch it... this too is not done (very hard for me as I am bloody nosy)
3. The Irish mafia are real...Ganglands are shooting each other out about drug war territory in Dublin. It's scary yet it feels slightly like a Hollywood film. I'm patiently waiting on the next installment.

4. The post is delivered old school like we remember growing up. with a bike or van and a postman. It is so dam cute! You even have post flaps built into your doors where your mail is delivered. On the negative side the flapping of this flap in the wind makes me shit myself at least 10 times a day thinking that someone is trying to break into the house!

5. My office overlooks the sea... need I say more?

6. My South African education is not as bad as I thought. I appear to be a lot more clued up in the work environment than I imagined. We South Africans are hard workers. Even when I'm slacking off I'm working harder than the locals. I get through 3 x the amount of work in the same time. These folk work only to live...they don't live to work...that is why they live so flipping long. We have literally hundreds of clients who are late nineties to early hundreds still fit and going strong...

7. In conclusion it appears that a long happy life is boiling down to lots of unprotected sex.. minimal working hours....boring church services...lots of Guinness... and staying far away from the gang's of Dublin..Party on (says the woman an with no life)

24 February 2016 

 Well I am officially 6 weeks in and continue to be amazed on a daily basis by how strikingly different yet the same Ireland is...
1. I am still battling with the language aspect of things. This was made clear by my attempt at school uniform shopping. I was looking to by a t-shirt of the polo variety for school athletics when the man behind the counter proceeds to tell me that the "shorts" are out of stock. The shorts I thought, oh well that's grand as I am looking for a T-shirt and what the bloody hell would anyone want with a pair of shorts in this weather? He looks at me with an exasperated stare that I can only imagine meant he thought I was a monumental muppet. Plucking furiously at his chest he repeats "Short, Short, Short". I then grasp the notion that in fact he is telling me that the shirts are out of stock!! In a supreme role reversal, I am the one who now talks funny.

2. The amount of singing talent we have missed out on in South Africa is crazy. Within a couple of months we will have the likes of Rihanna, Beyonce, The Weekend, Macklemore, Adele, Kendrik Lemar, Ronan Keating, Jess Glynne, Faithless, The X Factor and Justin Beiber to name a few. This is all wonderful, except for the fact that the 3 arena is directly on my route home from work and I get caught up in the screaming frenzy of crazed fans blocking the road... this leads me to miss the reduced toll fee and I wind up paying 10 euro to get out of the city!! Not a happy camper.

3. I am seriously considering sawing out one of my kidneys and selling it on the black market in order to afford child care. It is ridiculous.

4. It is voting time her in Ireland. It seems that Parliamentary carry ons are not exclusive to South Africa. I feel nostalgic as I listen to various government hopefuls rip each other a new one in an attempt to win over their constituents.

5. I was asked if I had access to running water, sewerage and electricity back in Africa. Seriously?? Are you kidding me?? Appears no one actually knows about South Africa, its infrastructure (or lack thereof) nor the quality of life Africans have grown accustomed to. In response I shook my head woefully and stated "Nope, we did not have running water or electricity. In the evenings we would walk down to the river, gather water up with our reed baskets and cook on an open fire. Thereafter we would dance naked around the fire and beg some first world god to bring us power. " All this was looked on in awe and amazement. "Wow, you have been through so much!" So much for my sarcastic undertones. They went completely unnoticed.

6. I don't know how I have lived without 300 meg internet connection!!! It is like technology nirvana even though I don't have a clue what 300 meg means.

7. It has not rained in 3 days. I am moerrrrrrrrr impressed. When you stand outside you can actually feel the sun warming your skin. This has somewhat allayed my fears of developing a bad case of trench foot.

8. The housework does NOT end. Friends, I urge you to appreciate your domestic because as my darling hubby says: " Nothing brings you crashing down to earth with the a bone crushing velocity faster than having to clean your own toilet"

21 March 2016 

As it marks 9 weeks in my new country today, and the initial excitement has worn off and we resume day to day life, Today's post will not be about witty antidotes and life lessons learned but about the stark reality that is immigration. Today is a difficult day. Its one of the bad days that so few talk about.

Those that have made the move,  or those those who will shortly be making the move I am positive will relate. It is HARD. It is likely the hardest thing you will ever do in your life. People perpetually tell you that you have taken the easy way out...you have left South Africa, you have no place to say a word about how bad Africa is nor how bad your host country is.  This is your choice,  deal with it. This leaves you with precious little support in the way of venting your emotions to whom you thought were your confidantes.

Clearly these arses (used respectfully of course...) have no idea what they are talking about. On the contrary anyone who has taken on the task should be commended as they are brave souls. I doth by hat to each and everyone who has successfully assimilated into their host country. They are my  new heroes.  It is not easy to leave your family or your friends or the lifestyle you are used to and replace it with something unfamiliar and totally different. It is not easy to work in an environment where the laws are different and the business culture is different. It is not easy to hear about your friends and family getting on with their day to day existence as if you were never apart of it. It's not easy to try make new friends and connections. It is not easy to work like a slave labourer both day and night as you try to maintain the slightest bit of hygiene in your home so your kids don't die of salmonella or some other God forsaken bacteria. Nothing is easy.

Life is HARD. But we are safe and our children are safe and happy and guaranteed a better future. It is the ultimate sacrifice we have had to make. This decision was not made lightly.  We have had to give up our lives and replace them with something else for the sake of our children. This is not the easy way out. It is a path that has been carved for us through sheer determination to give our little ones a better life. Unfortunately....and also fortunately...this is what we have had to do.

So here's to my fellow people going through the same thing. If you find yourself wondering what you have done and if you will ever climb out of this pit of dispai

r back into the bright future you have envisioned for your family, take note of the following..... You have not made the wrong decision because it is HARD....it is HARD because you have made the right choice and anything good in life does not come easy. Consider where you are an adventure.

So there we have it.  My laments to date.  It is a difficult time,  yet a wonderful adventure non the less.  Through this blog I would love to connect with like minded individuals going through the same experiences,  or in fact anyone who can appreciate life's journey, where it has taken them either good or bad,  where they long to be in the future, and the stark reality of now.

Love and Light

C

Our Irish Story

This blog (which I just literally found out was short for web-log) will be the story off our experience.

Many of our friends and family have made comments lately on my dearest wife's Facebook posts that she should start writing some sort of book or blog, I agree so I have decided to take control of this and get something started so that we can tell our story and share this adventure with you. I will leave most of the writing up to her because well lets face it she's probably far more gifted at writing than I am but someone needs to start this thing off.



So here goes.......  fáilte roimh ár scéal (welcome to our story )

I think I must start where Candice left off. Her last post on Facebook as she self described was going to be neither witty nor clever. .....Well it wasn't , In fact she made this all sound rather terrible.  Its not. Its just very different, different like the sun and the moon are different from each other but at the same time its so much of the same.


South Africans have a very unique love hate relationship with each other and their country. They  literally spend their days complaining about how bad things are ( admittedly they are ... a lot of the time) but let a non-saffa say a single derogatory word and the whole nation stands as one to defend themselves. Its all a bit weird!! Looking in from the outside,  as all of us that have left tend to do,  maybe more critically than we either should or have the right to,  you can see that things clearly aren't great, but at its worst it still shows signs of what we all wish so deeply it would and could be...  a land of plenty. Enough for each and every national to live to their full potential.


The Irish are fiercely proud of their heritage and their culture and promote it at all costs, and it is for that reason that they remind me of me .They are on Level 99 when it comes to self-promotion. Mostly all the products you buy at the grocer are Irish grown or Irish made.


My wife has moments of unhappiness where she wonders what the hell she has done, but then she comes back to the light. Her emotions are mixed. Apparent settling in syndrome.  A good friend once told me that it takes 1000 days to become fully assimilated into your host country. My wife is at beginning stage assimilation. I do however differ from wife in my feelings of our host country. The island of Ireland is so much like a small Africa its scary. Its a wonderful place interspersed with a natural beauty that only Africa can claim to rival and the horrible scars of a global financial crisis that wreaked havoc on its people. There are thousands of commercial buildings and private homes that stand empty as a stark reminder of what my boss says Ireland is like " Either all or Nothing , Boom Or Bust"( Sounds like Africa no?)


Now I've heard some people say and I include myself here that its not cold , we are all terrible liars. it is Very Cold but, we have Jumpers ( I'm still not entirely sure what that is) and central heating, so we manage. The summers apparently are long and warm, not hot but warm so we have something to look forward to (apparently we will know its summer when the rain gets warmer) . So we might venture out for a cycle or a run or even go to the beach when those days arrive and I've prepared by getting a barbecue grill ( To you plebs that means a braai) so I'm organised and you are all invited!!!!


You can never replace your friends and family but the world is small nowadays you have Skype and Whatsapp and passports. Other than that you get a big house and hope like all hell they love you enough to visit  Don't forget your jumpers!!


Hard I'm not so sure. different yes. The accent can be an enormous challenge I've been working for four weeks and still don't understand a word. I might have been fired already and don't even know it.

At the end of the day its never going to be Africa and I think that's the point  but its a great adventure and in time it will be home... our home... and a safe place for our little ones to grow and not be scarred by dangers that they could never hope to understand. It will be different and we will have bad days, many I am sure, but they with time will get less and less and the decision to embark on this Great adventure will seem small and insignificant.

.............................Now excuse me while I go wet the tea !!!