Parenting

I realize this thing is supposed to be about immigration but...deal with it

This Parenting thing is a kak tough job let me tell you, and no less expensive either, you need to be qualified in all sorts of things, from first aid to hostage negotiation and everything in between, it’s exasperating at times. Its a never ending roller-coaster full of bodily fluids and emotional trauma. It’s hiding your chocolate at the top of the cupboard and stealthily eating it at weird times just so you don't have to share and It’s knowing how to blackmail on a mafia level. But it’s also the greatest gift I've ever received. They if trained correctly are really good at pushing lawnmowers, vacuum cleaners and taking out the trash.

Case in point, one night last week im desperately trying to dish up and so I remove all the kids plates from the cupboard and ask her, her being the little squidgy 3 year old bundle of terror, which plate she would prefer for dinner, after about 17 minutes of I don't knows and im hungry she picks a pink one. I dutifully place a pork banger on the plate and all hell breaks loose,  the said plate is now no longer good enough and she wants a bowl instead. Big inhale, after a further 6 minutes of arguing about which bowl she would prefer she makes her choice and I remove the banger from the pink plate and put it in the bowl. All hell breaks loose again!! Apparently the banger is now dirty and she wants a new one

It’s in those moments that while you are at the edge of your sanity staring into the abyss that your adulting skills are tested to their very limits. I need to physically restrain myself from pulling a Naas (South African Rugby Player), and drop kicking my moaning child out the front door and into the path of an approaching bus.

And just when you are ready to call child services to report yourself it swings completely in the opposite direction. 

A bit later C mentions to me that she has been told by my eldest daughter that my son (there is a point trust me) has downloaded an app on her phone that is basically a how to manual on how a boy should kiss a girl. I can see clear as day by the look on C's face that my reaction which entailed almost choking on my food, laughing out loud and high fiving him was wrong and that I will probably pay for it later. But, I'm absolutely proud of the little man, he is doing his homework, nothing better than being prepared. 

Don't get me wrong the missus and I aren't perfect and my 12 year old reminds us of that every day.  Just recently we overslept and were woken up by her fully dressed in her school clothes saying that we are irresponsible for not waking her on time and shaking her head and looking at us like she can’t understand how we get through the day unassisted. I'm not entirely sure either but I won’t be telling her that.

I truly wouldn't have it any other way though, because lets be honest you'll eventually get tired of the expensive clothes, overseas holidays and good wine, just be prepared to take loads of deep breaths and know how to use handy wipes.