Its Beginning to Feel a Wee bit like Home away from Home

I have found that you get two types of people you encounter when you announce that you are immigrating. You get the nay-sayers who love to tell you that the grass is in no way greener on the other side. They prophesy how terrible life is going to be when you get there as a result of being so far away from your loved ones and the life you know and are used to. They bitch about the horrible weather abroad, the unfamiliar architecture and lack of modern design and about missing the creature comforts we have become accustomed to. They are the lot who believe you have taken the easy way out and that you are a coward for abandoning your country in its time of need. The type who beat their chest and sing Nkosi Sikeleli and wear the flag with pride on national holidays, then pray for the best when economic and political situations present themselves resulting in massive upheavel. On the other hand you have those individuals who are more enthusiastic than you are about the prospects of a new life. They are the ones who would love to get out of their current situation, but unfortunately their circumstances are hindering or preventing them from doing so. They are the ones who believe life on the other side is going to be a magical adventure, a beautiful fairy tale involving world travel, glamorous jobs, eating foreign cuisine and drinking exotic liquors while stroking your pet unicorn in your secret garden on the yellow brick road. They wish you the best and constantly tell you how lucky and priveleged you are. 

The reality in actuality is a good mixture of both. At first the excitement and sense of adventure is intoxicating. I needed to pinch myself on a daily basis to remind myself that this is now my new reality. Mixed in with the excitement is the nauseating stress of ensuring all your ducks are in a row such as organizing bank accounts, social security numbers, tax credits, getting your employment contract signed and your lease in order. Getting the kids into school, licensing and taxing your car, furnishing your home and finding doctors, hairdressers, hospitals and the like are just a few of the mountain of tasks you are faced with and they take up hours and hours of time. It feels as though you will never get through the endless to do list.  After you have sorted your life out to a manageable extent, an eerie calmness overcomes your situation and you are plunged back into the mundane routine of everyday life. The honeymoon period officially comes to an end. Once the party is over, you get to thinking , and you ultimately end up at the heart stopping“ now what” phase.

This "now what" is when the alternative reality really sets in and hits home hard. It is at this phase where you start to realize that you are indeed missing home and you need to constantly remind yourself why you have done what you have done. Amidst the sadness and depravity of it all it helps to hear that someone has been broken into, or that someone has been mugged in a park, because in a twisted sort of way it reaffirms your decision on a daily basis that you have done the right thing. (Don’t judge me… this is simply human nature). 

For myself and the husband, we are mainly finding our issues to lie in the small things that we took for granted on a day to day basis. The fact that we cannot just call over to our friends house to have a cup of coffee and talk rubbish for hours on end, or go for a beer or glass of wine to the pub down the road while leaving the kids with the sitter when you have had a stressful day. Not being able to pop in and visit your mom, or your aunty, or your granny, or attend a funeral when a loved one dies, or a wedding when there’s a marriage celebration, or even go in and meet your friends baby who has just been born. It is these small things that add up and weigh on your mind. It dawns on you that as much as your friends or family miss you, life does not stop without you, it goes on regardless of your absence. It kind of takes your breath away.

 Date night has also been completely thrown out of the window for the foreseeable future. The lack of close friends and family in your immediate vicinity as well as the impossibility of finding a babysitter you would trust with your dog let alone your kids kills any and all chances of a prospective social life. These are the troubles of which you are faced with daily, they sound trivial, but they are very real and can have a serious impact on your well being.

 So, After four months of attending endless hours of work, expat lunches, childrens parties, communion do's, and various events with cousins, and neighbors and the likes thereof, I think we are finally getting into the swing of things and carving out a niche for ourselves. I have met a lovely group of ladies at work. The laughs and conversation I have shared with them on a day to day basis have actually kept me sane through this entire process. They will probably never know it, but they have really helped a foreign girl out by being such a welcome lot. They have made the arduous task of attending prison everyday quite an enjoyable experience and opened my eyes to many aspects of Ireland I would have been oblivious to had I never met them. I also have my Aunty and Cousins whom I have reconnected with. This has made me very happy indeed. I did not ever expect to have a real relationship with these woman again, circumstance would predict otherwise and they have been loving and kind, as if we had never lost contact over the years. I have spent hours in long conversations with my cousin on a weekly basis and even my children will get to know their Irish cousins as their cousins too. A true sense of family being forged with the unlikeliest of individuals. We have also met a couple of South Africans (about 8 of them) who live down the road in the next town. Lunch last week with these hooligans resulted in an epic pub crawl ending in our whole family chasing the last train back to Bettystown in the dark of night. It felt just like home. What a wonderful bunch. They appear to be in the same social situation as ourselves and experiencing the same highs and lows. Because of this we can relate to each other on a level that not many would understand. Also a bunch we would never had come across had we not made our move. I am certain that this meeting has laid the ground for many late night get together's to come, and to this I look forward.

 As Paolo Coehlo once said: 

“Important encounters are planned by the soul long before the bodies see each other”. 

Clearly my soul had mapped out this journey for me long before my consciousness had become aware. So thank you unconscious spirit. You have allowed me to encounter some magnificent individuals. I don't know where our relationships will be in the years to come,  but for now,  they have taught me lessons that no amount of money or privelege could buy. As Irish luck would go, the encountering a leprechaun on Saturday has sealed my fate. My luck should now be turning for the better.

Love and Light

C