Getting my Groove back

Baz Luhrmann once said,

 "Be careful whose advice you buy but be patient with those who supply it, Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past From the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts And recycling it for more than it's worth"

The only part of that song that's ever had any real meaning in my life are those few lines, I’ve for the most part completely ignored the rest of it, especially the sunscreen bit.

I have been really very fortunate to have had some great role models in my life they have come from all walks of life and have gladly dispensed advice as fast as I could take it, and trust me; I’ve made sure to take it as often as possible. I am who I am today because I aligned myself with the thoughts, actions and ideas I got from them. They have ranged from my mom and dad to aunts, uncles and older friends each one having left a Profound and unique footprint in my life story. This advice has made me confident in my abilities, confident to the point of arrogance sometimes but nonetheless confident that I can overcome whatever comes my way.

However No amount of confidence, (or googling ability); can prepare you for packing up your life and moving to a new country, leaving everything you know behind. I would go as far as to say that I don't think there are many harder things a person can do.  You will think you have prepared and that you know what to expect, you will think it will be hard, that you have planned and thought of everything, every possible contingency, you haven't not even close. 

When we were saying our goodbyes everyone gave us their own ideas of what we were sure to battle with, cleaning our own home, was right on top, simply because South Africans have never really had to worry about it back home, it’s a supreme luxury we all take for granted, another  was the weather, I can safely say that those are the very least of our worries, they are worries though believe me three kids are not tidy by any stretch of the imagination, but it is those very same things we thought were going to be the hardest to adjust to that turned out to be the easiest so far ( touch wood). It’s the little things that everyone has grown up doing from a child that as an immigrant you've neither experienced nor understand, these things, mundane little day to day things that pop up and utterly confound you. I have never in my life felt so stupid, (and trust me I’ve done some really stupid things). 

I dare anyone to move from a warm climate like South Africa to a country where central heating is of paramount importance to your day to day life and not feel like you know nothing. I cannot for the life of me get this heating thing worked out. We either freeze to death covered in layers, steam coming from our mouths, or are so hot we sit virtually unclothed drenched in sweat and need to open the doors because I’ve set something up wrong. There is no happy medium here, well at the very least, (and most likely reason) I’ve not found it. My long suffering wife has not been able to have a warm bath in months.  I suppose I could ask for help but that would be terribly un-manly and so ill rather just subject myself and my family to ice age temperature fluctuations, it keeps us awake, on our toes and I'd probably not understand the instructions anyway. 

Being fresh of the boat it’s a real challenge remembering to take an umbrella and a jumper, with you wherever you go, regardless of what the weather looks like outside, and especially what the weather report says,(I'm convinced they use a magic eight ball to predict weather here), its truly something none of us have mastered yet, there can be sunshine in Dublin and snow in Bettystown, they being a mere thirty km from one another, so invariably josh will have forgotten something at home so I hand over mine, all this means is that I'm very rapidly acclimatizing to the cold weather.  I really wish I’d paid more attention at boy scouts, it would be far easier to just be prepared.

A big part of a civilized society is the social customs and traditions we adhere to, the majority are similar across the globe, this is especially the case in English speaking countries. Some of the first ones we learn as toddlers is how to say hello and goodbye, here in Ireland they like to describe themselves as the land of Cead Míle Fáilte (“a hundred thousand welcomes”) well I’ll tell you it’s a land of a hundred thousand goodbyes too. When ending a phone call in Ireland it is very rude to just say bye and put the phone down, you will need to say bye at least five or six times to not be considered abrupt or rude, nobody tells you this, its assumed you know, so as newcomers its very strange when you hear it for the first time.  For future reference this is the correct way to end a phone call in Ireland “Yeah? I’ll see ya then, so. Okay. Bye. Bye. Bye, bye. Bye. Bye-bye-bye. Bye. Bye-bye. Bye.”.

Another one of the quirkiest sayings we've come across and one you will undoubtedly hear when visiting is the phrase “ya man” it basically means “that guy” in the third person, and don't be surprised to hear it more than once in a sentence. A great example of this happened to me this last week. I was having a phone conversation with a potential customer and asked him three times what his name was, I still don't know, (just because you live in an English speaking country doesn't mean it’s an English you will understand), after I had completed the call, the lads in the office asked me who it was. I responded with, “Ya man” and that folks was a completely acceptable answer! I got this!,  shew!!!

 It’s taken a long time for me to realize, and I think because I wasn't prepared to and partly because I was being selfish, that my poor wife was extremely unhappy living in SA, being held up in an armed robbery fundamentally changed who she is, it’s had a long term impact on everything she has done since that day, once you have kids your focus changes to them and their safety too, and so in the end her decision to move was based on our family as a unit and what is best for us.    

It’s been very difficult to take a back seat with this because I normally handle everything, I make the decisions, (or at least Candice lets me think I do), but I have had to rely solely on her to lead this emigration because of her passport and citizenship status.  she single handedly engineered our move, from the initial discussions, or arguments because I'm stubborn and wouldn't listen to reason, right through the application process, she spent many a night compiling packs of documents for each application, and if you know her at all you can see why the lady receiving them said she had never before seen such a well put together application. 

It takes a strong women to take the responsibility for this, to keep everything and everyone on track, she is always inquiring whether I'm OK and how I feel. I think she is worried I will hold a grudge if it doesn't pan out or if I hate it, but  the only reason I’ll get through this and get my so called groove back is because of her unwavering strength and support, a strength that isn't physical, but is an inherent part of her being. She is a wonderful albeit loud example to my kids, it all becomes a lot easier when you have strong people in your life

Now as has been custom I’ll leave you with another well-known Irish saying.

"What’s for you, won’t pass you by"

So for those wanting to make a move like this, I can offer some advice, be patient and believe that time will bring understanding, it will bring confidence and peace. There really is no point trying to figure it all out in the first few weeks, so knuckle down and work hard, get involved in your local community, and in time you will get your groove back

(Oh and don't forget the sunscreen)

GT